People/Places

Subtle Savages Win RAGBRAI!

By Staff Writer: Doctor Kickass

August 1, 2004

Clinton - RAGBRAI is over and the winners are the Subtle Savages from Cedar Rapids! It came down to a photo finish between the Subtle Savages and Team Twister, but with there last ounce of strength, mental fortitude, and overall drunkenness the Subtle Savages where able to pull ahead.

Shortly after the race, during the award ceremony, the "Golden Register" was presented to team leader Aaron Baum. Mr. Baum was quoted as saying "This is a great day for the Savages, now GET ON THE BUS." In the enthusiasm teammate Jeff poured an entire beer cooler (empty of course) of ice water over Aaron Baum's head.

The "Golden Register" is only awarded to the drunkest and hardest riders but many other teams where very close to the prize. Coming in second, third, forth and fifth where Twister, Tallywhackers, Stiff, and Budweiser respectively. Typically a fierce competitor Team Party Patrol was out of contention due to bus related mishaps. When asked to comment all the teams where quick to say (the Subtle Savages) "are partially kickass, but mostly totally awesome."

Local resident Sid Greenfield was overheard commenting "Ya go down and lack em smack em, jive ass turkey ain't got no brains anyhow." Subtle Savage Corey replied "Those townies they say the darndest things." When Silke Steve was asked how the Savages would stay in shape for next year he replied "Well, we are headed to the Wapsie tomorrow for some intense liver training."

Team Twister was able to redeem some of their honor by winning the bus ride back to Cedar Rapids. Twister crossed the Highway 100 Finish Line by a full bus length despite an impressive display of genitalia by the Savages and the reckless and cavalier driving of bus drive Jordan Isham. Not even the state troopers where able to keep up to the record breaking speed of 55 mph that the two buses were maintaining.

Not only does winning of RAGBRAI pay out the prestigious "Golden Register" there also a sizeable cash prize. When asked what the Savages would do with the $10,000 prize Tom Juhl responded "We are going to buy more beer" he then added "oh yea, I'm not gay I'm drunk.



Doctor Kickass writes a syndicated article for SubtleSavages.com. He is author of award winning articles "Why does a guy want to know whats under my kilt?" and "Officer Dan the man behind the badge." You may also see him in such films as "Subtle Savages the Movie" and "Subtle Savages the Movie Part 2:The Search for More Beer".

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